Slowing down

I left my full time engineering manager job a month ago to build my practice, Kolam Coaching. I planned to take a 2 week break before diving in full time into being the boss of my own business. It has been a month, and I’ve been working on my website, setting up operations, talking to interested folks, building community. But I’m far from working on it ‘full time’. Not because I don’t want to, but because when my purported break was over I was still tired, I still had feelings to unwind and burnout to process and rest to take.

For a moment there my inside voices panicked about why my dreams of running my own business to bring more sustainability and fulfillment to my work was all going to fall apart because I couldn’t be disciplined left on my own. But you know what, I realized the whole reason I left my full time job was so I could give myself what I need - space and time and rest - hard earned by doing and saving and planning and immigrating for years on end.

So here I am, building this practice, not as fast as possible, not like a startup on a hyper growth trajectory, but with intention, slowly, mindfully, listening to my body, taking the time I need to rest. This moment is the highest privilege I’ve experienced, the privilege of time, of care, of sleep.

And the more I pause, the more I slow down, the more I am finding inside myself. Ideas for this practice, for my creative writing, for sewing, for domestic bliss. You will hear all about them soon enough my dears.

Where do you need to slow down?

Care Jar

I took an 8 week writing workshop that ended last week, and one of the practices I’ve brought to my desk from the workshop is lighting a candle when I start working on something I need to focus for. I struggle with attention, and it’s cold and dreary these days (in fact the first snow of the season in Toronto is ongoing as I type this). The little candle near me functions as a hand warmer, grounds me with it’s scent, and fills my space with coziness. If candles are your thing, I recommend my fave Rosmarino Candles (no sponsorship or affiliation here).

What care rituals do you bring to your work or art?

Read/Listen

Books books books As per usual, I’m reading way too many books right now. I’m in a bit of a queer women of color inventing radical futures kick, and just finished reading Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler. What a telling, relevant and scarily accurate story for our time. It led me to Sisters of the Revolution, a speculative fiction anthology that I borrowed from the library, and This Bridge Called My Back, which I have a copy of and for some reason have been putting off reading. This is the moment I suppose. I’m also reading Undrowned by Alexis Pauline Gumbs, lessons from marine mammals for this time of chaos in the world.

What is on your winter bookshelf?

That’s all for this one folks. I have a couple blog entries I’m working on that will be coming the way of your inbox :) What else would you like to here about from this newsletter? Send me a note. Cheers!