Awaken into your dream with Human Design
Hello, folks. How are you doing?
I have been on a bit of a break while I set up my new home. It's been quite a journey, and I've been exhausted.
I am finally settled enough to be able to kind of drop in and do this. I did actually record this episode, two or three days ago, and I found out after forty ish minutes of the recording, that the software that I was trialing out, recording in, even though it looked like it was recording, did not actually pick up on the audio. So that audio went into the ether. Still, I, you know, decided to rerecord. So let's see how this goes. I am way more confident that it is being recorded, though, so that's a bonus. Alright. So, yeah, welcome back.
I am doing a multi part series lead up to my upcoming offer called Illumi9ate, which is an offering, that is going to be in four parts, for light-bearing leaders who are seeking to make some kind of bold move towards being the free architects of your creative life.
Illumi9ate will consist of four sessions where we have intuitive inner leadership dialogues, in order to set up that journey towards your transgressive creative freedom, and it will equip you with tools and practices that are going to really soothe and clarify and enrich your pivot, and the soothing is intended to support that free fall feeling that challenging transitions tend to entail. We'll be investigating and releasing any illusory fears and thought prisons that prevent you from taking that kind of risk towards yourself, whether it is quitting your job or, you know, even considering quitting your job towards entrepreneurship, or if it is in making even more space for your creative life. And we're gonna go through this kind of transformative process.
It's not gonna be a surface level journey. It's this kind of deeper uncovering of whatever keeps you stuck or small so that you can remember and reclaim your dream creative, playful self.
In this ongoing series that I've been doing on this podcast, I've been introducing, who light-bearing leaders are, and what it means to be somebody that is able to bring a light to shine on everybody around you while struggling to shine that light on yourself, and how we're gonna build up this intuitive technology toolkit. The first part was about Astrology. The second was about Tarot. And this week, I'm going to talk about Human Design, and next week, I'll talk about poetry, which will be the four intuitive technologies that we're playing with.
I highly recommend going back and checking out the arc of this journey so far where we went through the limiting beliefs, mental anxieties, and how Astrology and the cosmic view it presents can support us in that aspect. We then move towards how, collectively, we're all navigating this sense of loneliness and separation from our ecosystems and what it means to reconnect with Earth in an ecosystem that your belonging is never a question in, and how the Tarot can support us in that process. This week, we're gonna talk about Human Design and pick up where we left off, where we have a bit more clarity about the limiting beliefs that are holding us back. We have a bit more connection to an ecosystem that we weren't paying attention to, but now we're feeling more connected to, where we experience true belonging. And the underlying dream that was buried starts to resurface in this part of the journey. There then comes this question of, can I actualize this dream? How will I actualize this dream?
And it feels daunting and sometimes impossible. Right? Especially as creatives, there is the sense that if you're an artist or an entrepreneur, that it's not really possible to experience stability or security in this kind of life, and that there's always a need to be employed or have some kind of way to consistently make an income. And those are definitely practical considerations, and sometimes it is not possible to just make a jump without considering those consequences. And there's definitely financial privilege and access to resources and opportunities and systemic considerations, even around, you know, what kind of time you have, what kind of energy you have, how many spoons you have, what your chronic illnesses, your neurodivergences, and disabilities might— what kind of challenges they might create even when they bring you unique talents and gifts.
Here we kind of get into this layer of, like, wow. I have a sense of my path. I can sense of who I belong with. But in terms of just actually doing the thing, it just feels almost impossible. It feels almost impossible to entertain the dream without having a sense of the how. And the how, I found in my own journey to be particularly, a very hard trap. In my early entrepreneurship journey, I kind of constantly dealt with this this "how" question. I had this desire and this kind of wanting around — not wanting to have the nine to five life, not wanting to have to work in a corporation in order to live, wanting to make art and to have access to rest and feel pleasure and take care of my body.
And I wanted this not just for myself, but for the collective too. I wanted it for all artists, especially the people around me that I was seeing who were multiply marginalized due to systemic factors, disability, neurodivergence, all of these things. The more I learned about the processes of what it takes to write grants or any of these things that are needed to kind of prove that our livelihood needs to be fundamentally supported. Whenever there was this kind of project based orientation, for example grants, it really bothered me because it requires you to define the beginning and end of a project and to declare it and to wait for the money before you even, get into it sometimes. And I was like, well, what if we just paid artists, and then they can make work instead of having to declare what it is that they're going to make because that feels very antithetical at least to my process. I just want people's needs to be met, and I want everybody to have access to rest and pleasure. And, I want myself to have that too. I don't wanna have to choose between making art and living a life and sustaining myself, and I don't want anyone else to have to make those choices either, even though, you know, we live we live in this world.
I constantly ended up in incubators or these kinds of programs. Not all of them were like this. I was very grateful to meet people who were doing anti capitalist business like Toi Marie. And yet I hadn't fully understood how to operate in a way that was sustainable for myself. And so the more I was feeling kind of unsuccessful at what I was doing, and I wasn't just immediately able to bridge the gap between what used to be my income and the income I was able to make through doing work with clients one on one or workshops — I just felt like I was missing something. I was missing something that had to do with something outside of me that was about how to run a business effectively, having some kind of system or structure, or maybe having somebody else who's going to collaborate with me and then solve all my problems. None of which really helped. It just left me even more burned out because I was continuing to go down paths that weren't right for me.
This was about the time that I had, you know, maybe at some point in this journey after all the burnouts and kind of pulling back and figuring out what was going on, I had come in contact with the Human Design. I was very skeptical because I got this kind of a sense like, oh, this is a cult. I don't think it is a cult now, but that is how I felt at the beginning. I have been in cults, and I was just very wary, but it didn't stop me from looking at my Human Design chart. And I was like, oh, this is actually quite insightful. And one of the things that was very instrumental in my ability to embrace the how of my practice, was learning something called type in Human Design, and my Type is a Projector.
I don't wanna go too much into the tactics of what is Human Design, how do we get here, all of that. Yet, for those of you who are absolutely new to it and have never heard of it, I will give a short explanation.
So Human Design is a framework that tries to bridge across science and esoteric traditions. And the esoteric traditions that it combines and draws from includes the Chakra system from Southeast Asia and South Asia, and the Tree of life from the Jewish Kabbalah tradition, the I Ching which is a Chinese divinatory system, and Astrology or tropical astrology as inherited from Northern Africa, Egypt, and then Greco Roman traditions and traditions around the world. And then it bridges across these esoteric traditions to scientific models around quantum mechanics and the anatomy of our body itself. And it presents you.. before I say that, so all of this, how to combine these systems and what you present was information that was channeled, or you could say, received through inspiration to this person whose name is Ra Uru Hu. And I believe this all happened in 1987 when he got this information, and started to kind of experiment with it, put it together. And then over the next decade or so, he kind of ends up formalizing the system, and then other people have come in contact with it, worked with him, brought it into books, software. Lots of things exist in this (Human Design) world.
I am not very deep into Human Design, but I have studied it enough to be able to read my own chart and play with reading other people's charts. And my style of reading is very collaborative and co-creative. I am not here to decide your future or declare what that is going to be or any of the choices that you're going to make, but to, you know, translate what I know about these systems and all of the learning and reading and studying that I do to understand them, and translate it towards your own creative freedom and understanding of yourself.
So with that little bit of an intro, basically, what happens is when you look up your Human Design chart, it gives you what is called a Body Graph, and the graph presents these energetic centers and channels. And so it presents your entire body in the shape of an energetic map or a graph.
And you can see— Where do you have consistent energy and sources of energy, that you are bringing? And where are you more open or undefined and susceptible to being influenced and conditioned by your environment or other people's energies? From this information and the overlaying of all of the systems that I mentioned, you get very detailed information about what kind of energetic resources you're working with, what kind of challenges you're dealing with, what happens when you enter into collaboration with other people, what happens when you ignore parts of yourself. And one of the cool things is that they not only look at what is available to you consciously, but also what can be available to you unconsciously, in order to present you with information that maybe you have some sense of, but not very much clarity around because you don't have conscious access to it.
There are these estimations of how many people or what percentage of the population belong in these Types. And 70% of people are supposedly Generators who are people who have this kind of, steady source of Sacral life energy, as long as they are able to utilize this energy in conversation with life itself. And then there are, Manifestors who are able to initiate and bring things into reality. There are Projectors who don't have, actually, only only generators have Sacral defined. Whereas the other three — Manifestors, Reflectors, and Projectors don't have that, but have different kind of abilities. So, like I said, manifestors can initiate, bring things to life, and projectors, which is the type that I am, have the ability to be able to read energetic patterns, and things that are going on for other people. And reflectors are people who are kind of like projectors on steroids. You could say they have the ability to really reflect back somebody else because they aren't bringing, too much of their own definition to the table.
So, I'm talking at a high level, and if this doesn't all make sense, that is totally reasonable. But what I can say is learning I was a Projector and learning that I'm not coming in with, a defined source of my own Sacral energy alone was a big, big game changer for me because I was already navigating it in some ways.. because I already knew that I was Disabled and Neurodivergent, that I was not particularly high in spoons. And one of the biggest challenges for me was to figure out what would even be sustainable for me, and I could never figure that out. It was often dependent on recovering my body or supporting my well-being such that I was doing well enough, to be able to show up to my business consistently.
But looking at it from a Human Design perspective allowed me to see how, one, I was very much pushing myself based on how I saw lots and lots of people around me operate. If 70% of people are Generators and can operate from a place of having a steady source of life energy, people around me are, you know, doing things. They're exercising. Even things like doing a whole nine to five job, which I'm not saying that Generators should do just because they're Generators, but there is a sense of if it is something that you want to do, you have access to energy to do it. For me, that didn't necessarily feel true, and it felt really freeing to be like, oh, okay. Yeah. It's true.
I don't feel like I have a steady source of Sacral life energy the same way that other people seem to do around me. I do have the ability to read what's going on for other people. And when I didn't know that I have the capacity to really quickly read and respond to what's going on for others.. I would sometimes show up in conversations with my friends where I would ask a question, and they would be kind of taken aback, and they might say something like, "are you coaching me?". And I'd be like, no. I'm just curious, but that makes sense. I did study and train to be a coach, so I can understand why it would come across this way. And this happened to me a couple of times, and I was always unsettled because I was like, I'm just being myself, but I need to titrate how I show up.
I was also really struggling to understand why people weren't working with me. You know? I would be just trying to make things happen in my business, and they never worked out. In fact, often the opposite would happen whenever I try to make things happen. People would kind of take two steps back when I would approach them and try to see if they were interested in my work.. The idea that.. for instance, one of the common business advice you get when you are doing one on one work is that, when people come to you for a consult call, then you show them what you can do. And in my case, that wasn't particularly fruitful, often because the readiness for receiving the kind of almost, what do you say, very, like, deep and penetrative kind of awareness that a Projector's Aura can bring to the room felt like too much for situations where there wasn't trust in a container and all this stuff that was built up to hold that level of depth that I can quickly reach with somebody. Often, I felt that I was in coaching conversations where I was wanting to go deep or that's kind of my mode of operation, but they wanted very tactical, practical solutions. And I would agree to, you know, look up information about worksheet or an exercise, but I didn't like doing it. I wanted to be like, no.
I don't know that I can help you select one career out of thousand. What I would like to do is to understand what prevents you from experimenting with your careers in the first place, and then you can choose whichever you want, whichever career you wanna choose. But I wasn't saying that because I wasn't once again, wasn't very aware of my skills. I found it very difficult to even articulate what I brought to the room, and I'm speaking just of this one aspect so far.
From Type, (we derive) something called a Strategy. So depending on your type, you might, like, how you make decisions can be different and how you show up to make change in the world or create things or respond to your life will be different. And for Projectors, the Strategy, in Human Design is "Wait for the Invitation". Wait for the invitation was a real game changer for me. It really showed me how I was causing people to step back by doing the Projector thing of being able to get really insightful and deep about somebody else's situation, without consent. And it's not that I meant to, you know, non-consensually coach my friends, but that's that's the thing. I just didn't know that whether or not I was coming from a place of just curiosity, the way that my energy shows up involves this kind of depth. So I have to be really even more explicit.
And often, I can be quiet and let people, come to me with specific questions, and then even then, I can ask them. Okay. So, yeah, would you like my advice, or would you like me to ask you a question based on what I just heard? Can I ask you a coaching question? Can I, you know, tell you what is coming up for me? And, you know, you can stop me.
Waiting for the invitation and also confirming and checking for what's actually going on at a high level, it shifted how I thought about my business overall. I stopped feeling like I have to go out there and get people to sign up for my work. Instead, I was like, no. What I need to do, is to follow my desire and be myself and put myself out there. And then people who resonate with my work and how I show up to it and are willing to traverse the depth, which not everybody want to do wants to do, will be able to come and work with me. Part of this involved a process of grieving and recognizing the ways that I had been pushing myself against the grain, feeling constantly like I'm falling short of my responsibilities because I wasn't willing to just, take up a nine to five job because that would solve some of the monetary stress that I was experiencing.
And I was like, the truth was actually really clear to me all along. It's not that I need Human Design to tell me this necessarily, but it provided me with a framework to think about it in a very simple, direct way and translate it into the day to day how of my my business.
There have been many more aspects of learning this particular technology that have been continuing to refine for me how I operate and how I can operate from learning about my needs — to withdraw and hermit, and my inherent capacity to be able to network and build connections without consciously acting towards it. My innate strengths in learning in ways that are pre-synthesized without knowing all the details. I always knew that I was a global learner, and Human Design just kind of confirmed that for me, in terms of just how easy it is for me to you know, for instance, I'm talking to you about Human Design right now. And even though I've studied Human Design through a course from Kelsey Rose Tort, whose work is amazing, I haven't, read like, I don't know what every single detail of every single thing in Human Design means. Not that anybody does except maybe the people who founded it, but, there's a lot to learn. And the more details there are, it's often really hard for me, but that doesn't stop me from knowing that I know. And I can see why that's the case through understanding my design.
It taught me where my strengths are and where my challenges are, where I'm so susceptible to other people's energies and fields and capacities in a way that takes away from myself, and where I can protect myself energetically in order to continue to sustain my practice. It's shifted me towards operating from this place where I show up from a place of my desire. I say the things I wanna say. I do it on my own time because working on anyone else's time isn't isn't true to me or or my design. And, yeah, to really flow with emotionality and vulnerability, and be open to my own sensitivity to the nature around me, to my environment.
Now that can be a strength if I am aware of what is actually going on. There's this notion in Human Design that it's not a fixed system of guidance that you need to just accept without questioning, and that when you learn about your chart--- you're kind of beginning an experiment, to see what works for you and what doesn't. Just being in this experiment kicks off a process of de-conditioning that enables us to see where we're conditioned by the forces around us, so that we can free ourselves. And to me, this feels very much in line with decolonization and liberation because our conditioning fields include colonial capitalism, and it is, of course, a major conditioning field that we're all subjected to. And you knew this before I talked about Human Design.
Right? Like, we already know the ways in which.. for instance, we're conditioned to believe that there is one time. That there are twenty four hours for everybody, and that is it. And yet colonial clock-based time as we know it was invented not that long ago. For me personally, learning about some of the aspects of my design and about how I can't keep my keep routines and structures in a very easy way, and yet, I kind of operate on my own sense of time and urgency, my own sense of how long it takes me to process emotions and come to clarity, and that can't really operate in the same cycles of time. It was pretty freeing.
I was like, yeah. It's true. It's true. I kinda already knew that, but thank you for confirming it. And each of these choices that I can make to run my business and run my practice in ways that are completely unique to me and don't necessarily fit the bill of a business incubator that I'm learning from or what I see around me or, you know, somebody on Instagram who's really successful at business on day one versus me who was taking, like, I don't even know how long to come to this place where I even feel open to, inviting people back into my practice after a long break.
I might have lost my thread there., What has been super fruitful for me in this process of de-conditioning and opening up to my uniqueness has been the sense of being able to have conversations with people just really frankly about my levels of energy. You know, there's a sense with the Projector of being kind of in a, we could look at it as a leech-like relationship or a symbiotic relationship with others. And because I'm not coming with my own, life energy, I'm often, you know, needing help from others, needing structures, things like that.
I've learned that because I'm aware of that, the ways that I can get that can be honest and transparent. The ways that I can meet that are in being in reciprocal relationship with the land around me, with the trees around me, that I can ask for the help I need while also claiming my own private space, claiming my own sense of timing and flow, and really being able to open up to the abundance that lives in my own fingertips. And live and move with this sense of inner knowing and confidence, from being one with what's living and growing around me and being in contact with who I am. I think that understanding your creative practice through this lens can be a game-changer for how you show up to your practice, and even little bits of information can blow your mind and take a long time to practice and integrate. I love that Human Design can bring what we learned from the high level cosmic view of astrology and bring it down to the level of the body and our day to day practices. It really flows really well with with time, or decolonial time and flow models. I had a reading with this practitioner who also does decolonial time work, whose name is Ixchel Lunar, and it was really affirming to talk with them too about this notion of how these systems work with each other.
Personally, I love how these three talk to each other, Astrology, Tarot, and Human Design. And in being somebody that speaks multiple languages, esoteric languages, and connects the dots between them, I'm very excited to see where our our collaborative journey with Illumi9ate will take us and what we will learn from your design and how we come together in it.
Okay. I think that is where I'm gonna leave it for this episode, and I will see you soon, talk to you soon. And the next part will be about Poetry. Meanwhile, if you have questions about Human Design or any of the things I've talked about, I welcome your comments or send me an email. Yeah. I hope you're good.
Mercury retrograde is almost wrap wrapped up. So by now, hopefully, next week, we'll be moving forward, and I am grateful for this period of withdrawal and rest and reflection in Scorpio season and to come back into creative flow Sag season. Alright, friends. Take care, and I'll see you soon. Bye 🌈
