My business is changing

First, I want to tell you that I am going by Madhu (muh-dh-uu), no last name, they/them pronouns now.

For the past several months I've been swimming in a sea of change, unravelling from the constructs I thought I was supposed to follow to succeed in business.

In the last almost two years of running my own business, I have often felt crushed under the pressure of having to prove that just because I somehow had the gall to opt out of corporate culture, I could be miraculously successful as per the standards of society, aka, making lots of money, fast.

And when that wasn't happening immediately, I kept thinking that surely there are answers outside of me, that if I had, would put me on the path to success. It took me to an expensive business coaching program, where my unique human identities and quirks didn't matter at all and there was one box to fit my business into, and if I did that, my business would automatically succeed.

I halfheartedly did the steps they said to follow, while holding onto my identity and integrity within the arbitrary constraints of the program.

This is what led me to narrow the focus of my work to "new leaders in tech." I do love working with folks in tech, especially when navigating your career and leadership without losing yourself. But I want to support folks within and beyond tech. I am now divesting from any and all rigid boxes and expectations for running a business that are informed by extractive corporate marketing and sales culture.

I am a creative person who is also queer, trans, chronically ill, neurodivergent. Continuing to work in tech companies truly did not feel like a viable option for me, because my interest in software development had waned over my time working in tech. When I moved into leadership, I was stuck in a burnout spiral of advocating for and struggling under inequitable treatment of marginalized people, while not having the flexibility to live per the needs of my chronically ill body and neurodivergent brain.

I choose to stay in business for myself so I can care for my body and being. I am grateful I had the privilege of working in tech jobs that allowed me to save enough money to support myself partially along with financial support from my partner while I build an income through my business. This will take time. And instead of rushing to feel better about my financial dread, I want to channel my privilege and gifts into building something that feels truly right and inclusive of me and my communities.

I deeply care that all the creative souls in my communities have access to supportive community, money, fulfillment, rest and pleasure.

This includes you who is within and outside of the tech world,

the musicians, the poets, the novelists, the activists, the artists, the dancers, the small business owners, the leaders, the quilters, the tarot readers,

those who don't think you are creative yet,

and especially those that are Disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent, queer, gender-expansive, Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.

AND

I care that I can show up as my whole creative self with my poetry, my writing, my doodles, my coaching, my facilitation, my love for food, intersectional feminism, indigenous and black liberation, fat and queer and Disability justice, plants, earth, birds, butterflies, so much more and everything else I don't know yet that I'm drawn to.

I want this business to be a portal for my creativity and yours. To experiment, make art, collaborate, try things, fail at things, cry, laugh, speak truths. To foster hope for our collective futures together as a community, even when our world tells us that there is no point in hoping for better. To offer a third space, one where we actively choose the future of our planet and our collective liberation and our art, while still living under and holding the reality of capitalist colonial systems.

These are big dreams, and will take shape over the next several months and years. I’m not in a rush. And here’s what you can expect next:

- My website https://kolamcoaching.com is going away. I may not have another website for the foreseeable future, and this newsletter will become my home/website instead.

- I'm changing the name of my business to "Kolam Creative Collective" 🎉, which will show up on this newsletter soon. Any old links to posts from this substack might break, but it's a one time cost I'm opting in to absorbing.

- My monthly meetup for new leaders in tech is going away. I loved running this meetup and all the folks I met through it, and I feel that it has run it's course and I’m making way for new things.

- I am still offering coaching to folks in tech, and I'm working on an invitation for those of you that are feeling the pain and grief of layoffs, whether or not you've been laid off yourself. This is coming really soon, and you are always welcome to reach out if you want to talk about it!

- This newsletter will become a home for my writing and poetry as much as my workshops and coaching. All of my work is rooted in the spirit of supporting you through sharing my ideas and art and observations and learning, and that will always be true. That said, if this not your vibe, you are super welcome to unsubscribe.

If you resonated with these words or have thoughts or questions, send me a note! I love hearing from you. If you are a lurker and never say anything, I see you, and thank you for being here. And if you just want to cut out the emails and catch up, please let's hang out!