[Kadir] 03:24:19 Hello, friends. I am… Back talking to you from unceded Coast Salish lands. [Kadir] 03:24:33 Um, City of Vancouver… Still staying with my friends here… And… you know, still continuing to… do my thing. [Kadir] 03:24:49 Out by the water. I… [Kadir] 03:24:57 Have, uh, you know, recently… gotten more interested in observing birds, and I have observed birds you know, my whole life. [Kadir] 03:25:13 But… Uh, of late, I have been taking that more… Um, seriously, and exploring… ways and tools that I can… add to how I explore showing up, and my practice, [Kadir] 03:25:34 Of observing birds has… More, uh, to do with trying to observe… birds that I come to… come into contact with around me, uh, whether it is the house sparrows that are outside. [Kadir] 03:25:52 Uh, the pigeons, or the seagulls, uh, Canada geese that are in… large quantities hanging out by the beach here. [Kadir] 03:26:04 Or, uh, you know, the finches, or any of them. While also… you know, getting curious and learning more about the sounds and… the… the actual, um, species of birds that… are in my surroundings. [Kadir] 03:26:31 And I say that because a lot of… quote-unquote birding, or what… I thought I had to do in order to call myself a quote-unquote birder. [Kadir] 03:26:46 Um, or a bird watching enthusiast. Had everything to do… with knowing, um, the names of lots of birds, knowing exactly how to identify birds by their sounds by their… you know, specific features, any of those things. [Kadir] 03:27:06 Uh, and I thought, I don't know, I don't… I don't know enough. I just look at birds. [Kadir] 03:27:13 And I watch birds, but I'm not sure if that makes me… a bird watcher. [Kadir] 03:27:23 But, ultimately, [Kadir] 03:27:27 I think that there is so much that exists around you know, going to places, looking for certain birds and rare species, and maybe the more birds you see, [Kadir] 03:27:41 the more… of an expert you are. [Kadir] 03:27:48 And that's cool for the folks that want to do that, and for me, [Kadir] 03:27:53 It's definitely more about the practice of observing who is around me. [Kadir] 03:27:58 And… Yet, sometimes, I come into contact with… birds that I… I don't, on an everyday basis. [Kadir] 03:28:10 And… that has been very, uh, a very cool experience here for me. [Kadir] 03:28:18 Um, I think I mentioned this last time, as to how one of my friends had talked about there being a great blue Heron [Kadir] 03:28:30 habitat… somewhat close to where I'm at. [Kadir] 03:28:35 And I… went looking, at some point in the last week for the first time. [Kadir] 03:28:45 I didn't know what to expect. I thought there was… a tree or something like that, like a small scope. Um… They did say 30 birds, so maybe I expected a bit more, but… I thought it was something… a secret project, you know? [Kadir] 03:29:05 Um, and then I show up near this area, and the first thing that hit me was this… Tremendous smell of bird shit, and this was a very familiar smell to me, so… I thought, alright, I think I have come to the right place, and I started to see there was some signage about it being a protected area, to make.. [Kadir] 03:29:31 not make noise. Um… in the immediate surroundings, to… basically protect the birds, leave them alone that kind of stuff. [Kadir] 03:29:43 Super important stuff. And also information about the Herons and things, and… So, I was smelling this shit, I heard… so much noise, all this loud cackling… But… I still couldn't tell where the birds were. [Kadir] 03:30:06 Then I started to find that there were not just one area, but a couple more demarcated areas of trees. [Kadir] 03:30:15 And one of them was just entirely covered, like, all the leaves, all the… plants on the ground… or closer to the ground were entirely covered in white stuff, which, initially, I thought, [Kadir] 03:30:32 With some kind of mildew or powdery, like, mold, or I don't know what, but… it… I wasn't sure. [Kadir] 03:30:42 Anyway, ultimately, I figure out where the Herons are, and… I… maybe didn't expect this, because even though I have met Herons before, I usually meet them by water. [Kadir] 03:30:56 And only in this moment, I realized that the heron nests are high up on the trees, pretty high up on these very tall trees. [Kadir] 03:31:08 And the herons fly at a pretty good high, it's definitely higher than I see gulls and things. [Kadir] 03:31:18 Flying. They're so fast. And then I see it. I see… so many nests, and just all of the sounds by the baby Herons. [Kadir] 03:31:30 And the parent herons, I suppose, going… flying out into the water, coming back while the babies seem to be learning how to, uh, use their wings, and it seems as though Next month will be the month that they… [Kadir] 03:31:53 Start to fly. Uh, and yeah, I was… I… was at a lagoon, and… I just sat at one bench. [Kadir] 03:32:07 And… many, many birds came by, there was, uh… a duck, um, mama duck, and baby ducks, and… There were geese, there was… Also, a great Blue Heron that was… just kind of standing by, or on top of this very wrecked-looking piece of tree. [Kadir] 03:32:39 That was hanging over the side of the water. And… from where I was sitting, I could see them, so… I was observing them, watching them. [Kadir] 03:32:51 Hearing them. And then, while I was looking, I the bird… straight at them. [Kadir] 03:33:02 I saw them take a giant shit on to this tree stump, and then I understood everything, everything tied together, all the white powder, all the smell. [Kadir] 03:33:18 All the sounds, and… all the shit, uh… But… the herons are just so gorgeous, so beautiful. Um, Vancouver seems to be such a poet city. I will go and sit on any bench on… on a bench on the side of the beach, and there's a poem there. [Kadir] 03:33:40 I read a poem about the Great Blue Heron. On a bus, I wish I remembered the name of the poets, but… Even though I read it. [Kadir] 03:33:52 I forgot. And… Yeah, just being… seeping into… What's in my immediate surroundings? [Kadir] 03:34:04 has been very cool. I bought a pair of binoculars yesterday that were… Um, I'm hoping will help me see… uh, things that are… farther away from me, including birds. [Kadir] 03:34:22 Uh, so that, you know, I can stay in a place and look at things from afar. [Kadir] 03:34:28 And that was… that was really cool, even just going to the sports goods store and having the conversation with people. [Kadir] 03:34:36 And talking to folks. Learning about… what, uh, their experiences are. [Kadir] 03:34:45 Uh, all of that has been… [Kadir] 03:34:51 I don't know, just… just bringing me into… contact with all of the life that is… around me. [Kadir] 03:35:09 This whole week, in a way, has… [Kadir] 03:35:14 Really brought me into… thinking about… Life and care… and mothering, specifically. [Kadir] 03:35:25 And how… I keep, um… meeting all of these… birds, bird mothers, bird babies. [Kadir] 03:35:37 bird father's, um… just… showing me what it looks like. [Kadir] 03:35:45 To continue to live. Even… even standing there, this afternoon, I went to see the Herons, again… And I could just see them… the little baby birds trying to… flap their wings, and at some point. [Kadir] 03:36:06 They just started to cackle all at once, and then they started to scurry him. [Kadir] 03:36:12 And it was so loud, I got to record some of it, so… If you're super interested. [Kadir] 03:36:21 I am sure, uh, I'll, like, link or upload some of that, but… thinking about…how.. [Kadir] 03:36:35 Choosing life. Choosing life. Isn't easy. [Kadir] 03:36:43 It takes… Some good screaming, some good cackling, some good just sitting there, flapping your wings in the same spot. [Kadir] 03:36:53 Learning to fly. And still continuing to choose life. [Kadir] 03:37:04 The mothering and the caring that it takes. [Kadir] 03:37:11 To birth… and grow this life. [Kadir] 03:37:15 And when I say mothering, I don't necessarily mean… to talk about our own individual mothers. [Kadir] 03:37:24 Although, that could be a part of it. But this sense of… I think Alexis Pauline Gumbs has this term of revolutionary mothering. [Kadir] 03:37:38 Uh, and I… recently read something, I think via Instagram, that was talking about the notion of, um… rematriation, rematriation, yeah? Um, that's about… returning… uh, the identity of… the land. [Kadir] 03:38:01 As a mother… And in the context of… Indigenous, um… epistemology and culture. I believe this was written in the context of Turtle Island, but it might have broader, uh, roads beyond that, but specifically with remediation. [Kadir] 03:38:27 Uh, the idea that the land is not an it, and… that the land is a… a goddess, a… sacred, um… receptive, giving, caring, mothering, feminine, um… body in this context of… remediation. [Kadir] 03:38:51 And… yeah, I really love that. It's… I keep telling my friends about… how I observed. [Kadir] 03:39:04 There's… there's mama duck that was… hanging out with all of their babies next to me. [Kadir] 03:39:12 Then they go for a swim, they come back, and they wanted to… cross the road, or it wasn't a road, it was… just a few feet of a… Sandy, gravely path that… not even bicycles are allowed on, so just pedestrian… [Kadir] 03:39:34 Hikers or walkers around this lagoon. And… this… Mama duck, or parent duck, just kind of saying. [Kadir] 03:39:46 Stood there. And was looking both sides of the road, and then very, very slowly, very, very slowly. [Kadir] 03:39:56 Walking across… with the babies, and then the babies… They get to the edge of the… where the grass starts, and there's no more… And they hung back and raided. [Kadir] 03:40:13 Till all of the babies went forward, and then they checked everything. [Kadir] 03:40:17 And then, alright, now everyone is crossed, and they move forward. [Kadir] 03:40:25 Um, I was at the beach just maybe yesterday, and there were… So… you know, a bunch of geese that I saw get really startled, and then run all the way into the water, and then one or two geese, like, that crossed over to the road and went over. [Kadir] 03:40:46 To this parklet… area, and then all of those skis started to come, too. [Kadir] 03:40:53 And then they all went in the water, then they came out, and then this started to happen again. [Kadir] 03:40:59 And I was wondering what was going on, and then I realized maybe they were scared of some dogs that were off-leash, or… Running on the beach. [Kadir] 03:41:10 Then I noticed that there was a kid who had a… dog, and was actually chasing around the gays, and the gays were terrified, just flying around. [Kadir] 03:41:21 Um, and they all ended up crossing… And, you know, really fast, in a way that… kind of just halted the traffic Because they were scared, and they were just going. Um… And… I was just… Maybe a little annoyed, but also, this is just what was happening, so… [Kadir] 03:41:49 I was just watching around, looking, looking, looking out… looking at what was going on for the geese, just keeping an eye, and… There was… one of them that just sat on the road, flat on the road. [Kadir] 03:42:09 While these bicycles, etc, were just parked right in front of them. [Kadir] 03:42:14 And just kind of sat there, whole feathery. Tummy area down. [Kadir] 03:42:21 And did not budge. And my partner was with me, and I just said, oh yeah, you just sit there and protest, because that was really… Fucked. So… that… all of that… just… the… the kind of… care… um… the… [Kadir] 03:42:52 Trying to show up for each other in this… very, um… you know, material way. [Kadir] 03:43:04 Of caring for each other, watching out for each other. Protesting in anger when… we're not cool with what's happening. [Kadir] 03:43:15 Being willing to stand out, and… being willing to… Birth life, continue life, even when… life appears, and it screams its heart out. [Kadir] 03:43:33 That kind of mothering, that kind of care. Is… what I am really trying to show up for… for myself with. [Kadir] 03:43:45 And… also… for… for Um, letting my artist self… be here. [Kadir] 03:43:57 One of the things that… has been really helpful for me in this… Uh, especially in this last week. [Kadir] 03:44:07 As I have been… Almost reparenting myself. [Kadir] 03:44:12 And allowing myself to be here. to… do with living… And doing my thing. [Kadir] 03:44:24 It's not that different from the birds, just… being, shitting, caring, living, all that stuff. [Kadir] 03:44:33 And just kind of pretending that… there's a bubble around me. [Kadir] 03:44:40 And… You know, the bubble is invisible… But inside my bubble… I can be dancing, I can just be… Moving my fingers, making my body just… do things. I'm listening to the music. [Kadir] 03:44:57 I'm stretching my body, I am singing. I am… smiling, I… have some binoculars pressed into my eyes, looking up at… the sky… I'm trying to find where the moon is full, so I can go see it. [Kadir] 03:45:35 And the bubble… the bubbles got me. When people float on by near me, and there's big crowds, or… even just one person walks by. [Kadir] 03:45:49 I am feeling that sense of… I'm good here in my bubble. [Kadir] 03:45:56 Whereas before, I would only, only allow myself to unfurl in any of those ways, if… And only if… I was not only alone, but even… you know, no one could hear me, or… Even I couldn't hear myself. [Kadir] 03:46:19 I really wanted to come… into an acknowledgement, and… And… A sense of gratitude and appreciation for the amount of… care, and… forgiveness, and… letting go, and grieving, and… willingness to rebirth myself, in very literal and very figurative ways. [Kadir] 03:46:58 In the past… How many over years… [Kadir] 03:47:05 In order to… experience in this moment, this kind of… opening this kind of space. [Kadir] 03:47:20 Where… My heart is opening. [Kadir] 03:47:27 To… [Kadir] 03:47:33 Whatever. Whatever. Is… is… is… here to… to unfold through my artistic practice, through my creative expression. [Kadir] 03:47:51 So… Yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to… talk about today. [Kadir] 03:48:00 I… Will, you know, add some… Heron photos to this… I also wanted to say that I've been having conversations with… people… who make art in different ways. [Kadir] 03:48:23 In my friendships, and folks I talk to. About my interest in starting something that will be a facilitated Uh, writing slash art space of sorts. [Kadir] 03:48:37 I haven't fully… [Kadir] 03:48:45 envisioned… what this container is going to look like. [Kadir] 03:48:51 But I have… a budding, kind of. [Kadir] 03:48:58 You know. Reasons and interests. [Kadir] 03:49:04 In terms of, like, why I'm starting this, and how… So… how we're going to, uh, not necessarily… how I'm going to teach any form of writing, but how I'm going to… Um, hopefully create… Um… an environment where… folks can get curious about your own. [Kadir] 03:49:31 Creativity and creative processes and… what it means to go from… maybe journaling, or writing things for yourself, or… uh, writing things that feel very… um, raw or sacred to share out loud in any kind of open environment… Or, you know, what it even means… [Kadir] 03:49:59 To be an artist if… It has felt as though… that title was reserved for… somebody else, somebody else that is not you. [Kadir] 03:50:14 And… that is where… My interest resides… what does it look like to… come into art making. [Kadir] 03:50:24 From that place, and I'm interested to create some… interested in creating something that comes from Um, what I have learned in the past years about living as an artist. [Kadir] 03:50:40 Whether or not it has to do with what I have put out in the world, who has published me, or any of these external markers of what it looks like, to [Kadir] 03:50:52 Call yourself an artist. But… things that, you know, amazing things that I have learned from the, um… the amazing opportunities that I have had to learn from. [Kadir] 03:51:09 And alongside writers and writing teachers. And facilitated… community workshops both things that I learned you know, um… might serve me. [Kadir] 03:51:29 Or do serve me amazing, in amazing ways. From reading to, uh. [Kadir] 03:51:37 Getting, uh, uh, someone to take a look at your work, or… Any of those things, but also things that have been more difficult in terms of understanding what it means to… create communities that are… open to, uh, uh… containing, or… [Kadir] 03:52:00 Not containing, but… allowing. [Kadir] 03:52:06 For the wholeness of your expression. In this… politicized. [Kadir] 03:52:18 Context. [Kadir] 03:52:24 So, yeah, more on that is coming. Hopefully, next week, uh, so… I'm hoping that I can… take some of what I just babbled to y'all. [Kadir] 03:52:38 And things that I have been… putting in my notebook. [Kadir] 03:52:43 And bring it all together as… Uh, just kind of an exploration. [Kadir] 03:52:51 On what I'm hoping this will be. And… the… when is it? How will it work out, the plan, etc. [Kadir] 03:53:02 Is still… You know, in my head, but… talking to you here. [Kadir] 03:53:10 I'm hoping will be a way that I can… at least, uh, express what the dream is. [Kadir] 03:53:17 So that it can be materialized. Along with you. All right, friends. [Kadir] 03:53:24 That's all I got, uh… And I will talk to you soon, next week.